We'll build a bridge of love between two worlds,

Sometimes you get that surge of nostalgia. When you keep thinking how could you have lost so many things in life and if its ever possible to get them back.
Today, i think not about the usual love but a different kind of love. The kind of love you experience laughing your heads off with your best friends. The kind of love you experience when you're having heart to heart talks about your deepest feelings and fears to your best friend. The kind of love you experience when you're sitting by the poolside or at a bench just talking about anything and everything. The kind of love you can only gain through friends.
This is my story and how i learnt that love lost can cause you prolonged periods of tingling in your heart. Not the usual tingling in your heart. But the kind of tingling that tugs and pulls at your heart so much so that its a heartbreak. But a heartbreak that has weakened over time and your heart no longer has the strength to shatter, to tatter, to cause you tears. It only has the strength to give you memories of the past and the yearning to go back to the past. But that is enough. Enough to tear someone apart.
I've realized everytime im on Facebook, and i see friends that i havent talked to in a long time. I keep thinking why. And i see. That everything we used to be, is now nothing but another used to be. I remember all those heart to heart talks, and all those laughs, and them saying they'll stand by me through everything. But what happens after i leave..this place called Church? It now seems since im not in their 'family' anymore, i no longer exist and all those things they said about being my friend even if i leave church no longer applies. I miss them a lot.
I miss talking with Zyann about everything, about knowing that she's no just my leader but actually..my bestest friend. If you're reading this, Zyann, i wanna tell you that i miss you a lot.. You're no longer in my life and i cant tell you anything and you cant tell me anything anymore. And im not your best friend. But you've always been mine. And til today, i still wish i could tell you everything. But you're not here anymore. You're not my shepherd, Zyann. You're not my friend who would help me through every heartbreak and disappointment i have.
I miss talking to Brandon about all my fears outside Meridian, or during camp. Or wherever. I never knew much about you, but i knew one thing. That you would always be there to listen. That whenever i saw you around, i could go up to you and just talk to you. But things have changed. You're not here anymore, either.
I feel like i've lost a part of me. And i feel so lost sometimes.. Its like its just all gone. Its like i've lost a precious chapter of my life forever. And it hurts so much. I know they might never read this. But if they do, i just wanna say.. That i never meant to give you empty promises about coming back. I know you guys always said i had changed. From being a very emotional person to one who was..a little more confident here, and a little more secure there. I stopped living in dejection and fear. But now that you guys are no longer here, i see no point. You guys were my pillars, for real. But now? My building is just gonna collapse and die. You may not feel the same way i do. But from the very bottom of my heart, and i've not said this in a long time, i really treasure you. Not just the two of you. But you guys were my source of strength. I knew i could rely on you. And God may still be here with me. But its not the same anymore. I dont think i wanna believe that God's still here if i have to suffer so much by not being in church. I'd rather deny my own beliefs because reality is proving everything i ever believed wrong.
I know regret does not exist. But what if..im starting to believe it does?